Parenting 101

Lessons learned from the original "Home Schooling" program

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE:

“If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning in here.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION:

“You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

”If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC:

”Because I said so, that's why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC:

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you get into an accident and have to go to the hospital.”

7. My father taught me IRONY:

“You better stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA:

“You'll sit there until you eat all that spinich.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER:

”This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:

“If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE:

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

“Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY:

”There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:

“Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING:

”You are going to get it from your father, when you get home!"

18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:

“If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP:

”Put your sweater on; don't you think I know, when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR:

”When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me how to become an adult:

”If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS:

”You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS:

”Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM:

“When you get to be my age, you'll understand.”

25. My father taught me about JUSTICE:

“One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out to be just like you!"